Growing Older

 
I've just finished my first week of college and am about to start my second week tomorrow morning! I'll be able to vote in November and be called for jury duty. I can drive, go places without asking for permission, have a job. I have so much more freedom and responsibility now than I did 4 years ago when I wasn't even allowed to walk around the mall by myself.

I was cleaning tables at the diner I work in, and I noticed a sweet looking elderly woman sitting alone at one of the tables with 3 or 4 small drinks on the table in front of her. (I work at an arcade-like place with a diner built in) She was most likely waiting on her grandchildren as they were playing. I had seen elderly men and women do this before, but they usually had a crossword, newspaper, book, etc. in their hands. This woman had nothing to occupy herself with, she was content to simply sit and watch the children passing by.

I wondered what she was thinking about. Was she just zoning out? Was she thinking about when she was the age of her grandchildren? When her kids were that age? Was she thinking about her kids? About her husband? Was she wishing her parents were still around? If her parents were still around was she stressing about how to care for them? Was she wishing she had spent more time with them growing up? Was she reminiscing about all the years past? Was she remorseful? Or did she have no regrets? Was she happy with the way her life turned out? Did she wish it had panned out differently? Was she ready to die? Or was she terrified about what would come in the next couple decades or so? Was she wishing for a time machine? Did she marry the wrong person? Treat her parents wrong? Raise her kids badly? Had she been too selfish with her time and/or money? Was she wishing she had been more kind? More patient? Should she have chosen a different career? Should she have saved up more money for life insurance? Should she have made better decisions in college? Should she have gone to college? Should she have kept in touch with her old friends? Or was she glad she made that career choice and was able to have enough money in savings? Was she glad that she kept in touch with her old friends? Was she eagerly awaiting the next high school reunion(s)? Was she excited to see her parents again after she died? Was she afraid of being forgotten?

I didn't know anything about this woman other than her appearance at a glance, but she made me think. She made me think about my choices, putting myself in her shoes. When I get to be her age, what will I be thinking as I wait for my grandchildren to tire of playing arcade games? Will I be satisfied with the way I've lived my life? Or will I be desperately wishing I had a time machine? I've decided to make more of an effort, to be more kind, generous, loving, and patient. To live my life to the fullest, without fear of inadequacy, without fear of regrets. I want to make sure that when I die, at least one person may remember me and have been touched in some good way by me. That way I can leave my impact on the world and shown even just a small sliver of the love God has given me.