"It is impossible to live without failing at
something, unless you live so cautiously that you might has well not
have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default."~J.K. Rowling
"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the from way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it."~Rafiki
Everyone makes mistakes. But we must learn from those mistakes and, here's the hard part for me, move on.
For a week in June, right after my high school graduation, I went to a wonderful place called Fort Caswell. It's a Baptist Camp for youth out on the coast of North Carolina and is run by the most wonderful Be Do Tell staff ever. The theme was about ethics, "He's Got An App For That." For our week the speaker happened to be Jeremy Kingsley who was so energetic and funny to keep one's attention, but his messages also had real, deep, spiritual meaning which left my notebook full of scribbled points, quotes and scripture references.
What struck me most odd (yet awesome) about Jeremy was the length of his prayers:
"Dear Lord, help us to pay attention and learn something during the sermon today, Amen."
What really matters is the meaning and sincerity behind the words of a prayer, not the scholarly words and length of it!
Now back to what this post is supposed to be about:
One night that week, I think it might have been Wednesday, Jeremy's message was on the story of The Lost/Prodigal Son.
Luke 15:11-32 NIV
The Parable of the Lost Son
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When
he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants
have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But
while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled
with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him
and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But
he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for
you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young
goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”
I've heard this story so many times in my life, and it has helped me to tell struggling people that God will always accept you and welcome you back home with open arms, no matter what sinful things you have done (the Casting Crowns song, Prodigal, comes to mind here). But the way that Jeremy spoke about it was astonishingly beautiful. It was evident that he felt passionately about this passage. His message touched me so deeply that night.
Alas, there is always an end to a week at camp. You remember me telling you that the theme of the camp this summer was about ethics? (Ethics: A system of moral principles.) Yeah, I didn't when I got home that Saturday. I made one of the POOREST choices I have made in my entire life. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made happened less than 5 hours after I returned from a Christian camp with the theme being ethics. I cried myself to sleep that night, I didn't know how on earth I was going to live with the shame and guilt of this sin. To make this horrible time even easier for me, I left that Sunday to go on a beach trip with my second church's youth group (sarcasm intended). I felt like scum. I didn't deserve to go on this trip. I didn't want to. I didn't want to be around these wonderful people, feeling so dirty myself. I couldn't pray because I didn't think God wanted to hear from me. I was broken.
Luckily enough, God plans everything just right, to show us what we need to be seen and to help us when we need to be helped. I had a very good friend of mine on this trip with me who nudged me in the right direction and whom I was able to vent and spill my guts to. I also had something even better, my Bible and my God right beside me. It took a while, but with the help of some Godly people who comforted me while not even knowing why I was crying and angry, I was able to recover. I thought back to the previous Wednesday, to Jeremy's Prodigal Son message. I finally understood the depth of this story and the extent of God's love like that of the father in His parable. I realized that God had never left me, never stopped loving me, never stopped waiting for me to come back to Him, even in the midst of my shameful failure.
"Dear Lord, thank you for this parable, for Jeremy Kingsley, for Caleb, for my Bible, and for your unconditional love for me, Amen."
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