My CAN > Your CAN'T

Just so the reader knows: that tiny little symbol in the title is a "greater than" sign (>). I try not to use anything math related over the summer (or anytime really), but since I'm now counting people's change at the Fun Depot Diner, that rule of mine is kinda history (which I do enjoy in, and not in, school)! 

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."~Mahatma Ghandi

"Heal the world, make it a better place. For you and for me and the entire human race."~Michael Jackson

A recent text conversation got me really worked up about 10 minutes ago, and so I write this post now to help let out my frustrations.

I said that society is, and always will be, corrupt because the human race as a whole is, and always will be, corrupt.
His response was that I only felt this way because that's how I've been told by my religious leaders.
Which, of course, made me a bit upset (understatement).

I don't do this by the way. My beliefs come solely from my own personal and spiritual interpretation of the Bible as it applies to my life and what I feel when I see people living their own daily lives. Just 'cause one preacher said it, doesn't mean it's truth.
I'm 18 years old, yeah, I don't know everything, but I don't claim to either. But I am smart enough to think for myself and make my own decisions and opinions. When I was a little girl of course I followed my parents morals because I didn't know anything different. But as you go through life and different role models and experiences change and shape you and your views, you learn to decided what matters to you and what value you want to live your life by.

True, our morals, decision, opinion, and such should be in line with God's Word, but they don't have to be the same as what a certain preacher or other religious leaders teach you. One should base their decisions on the Bible and God's Word, not a religion's rules and guidelines.

Unfortunately, most older people look at my generation and shake their heads in pity, shame, what have you. Once we get old enough to think for ourselves, they talk to us like we're idiots, just another ignorant teenager. As I said, I'm smart enough to form my own opinions, and they may not always be right on target, but no one has the right to criticize and judge me for that. ("Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first one to throw a stone at her" John 8:7b NIV) I don't want to be treated like I'm just one in a herd of cattle.

I'm sick of ignorant teenagers that caused this stereotype to have some elements of truth.
I'm sick of those older folks who endorse it.

I'm sick of fake Christians and hypocrites.
I'm sick of lazy people who don't try to make a difference though they complain anyway.

I'm sick of biased TV news programs.
I'm sick of biased law enforcement and regulations.

I'm sick of rich people who don't care to look.
I'm sick of poor people who stop trying because they make more on the streets.

I'm sick of republicans.
I'm sick of democrats.

I'm sick of arrogance, and ignorance.
I'm sick of no one listening to me and treating me like I'm stupid.

I'm sick of sexism, racism, hunger, disease, abuse, murder and
I'm sick of even somehow thinking I can change any of it when every person with the power to help I ever talk to says I can't do anything!

Especially when I can.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the leaders in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12 NIV

To Write, Or Not To Write...

...That is the question.

Since 4th grade, I've been writing creative short stories. I'm pretty good at it, but My ideas always stretch farther than I'm able to write. Since sometime in middle school, I've attempted who knows how many novels. The farthest I ever got was probably 5 chapters in. I attempted NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) last November and, of course, failed.

My ideas are interesting, my characters are realistic, my names are flawless, but somehow I end up getting bored or not knowing how to get from point A in the story to point B in the story; thus, I have never finished a single novel.

Maybe I shouldn't write it in order, but jump around from different parts of the story and go back and connect them all? Maybe I should push through it and suffer with some boring transitions?

It's on my bucket list to finish at least one novel. I don't care if I get it published or not, just to finish it would be awesome enough.

But I want to write something that is worthwhile. Something worth writing, something worth reading, maybe even something worth publishing. Someone I know published a book as a matter of fact, and he's using all the money he makes off of that book to donate to help stop human trafficking. I think that he is very admirable for this and if I ever do get a novel published, I plan to do the same.

Lying in bed the other night I was thinking of a story. It had different main characters, all with different strengths and flaws. It had a moral to it. It had young characters, yet mature themes. I just planned out all of my characters biographies, described what they look like to me, and named them.

But here is where I stop to wonder, would it just be another waste of time?

Road to...?

I don't even know what to start this with. I'm basically writing this blog for myself, writing helps me let off steam and think clearly about things stressing me out. And this year has been SO stressful.

Finally passed my driving test, working on the job (I was called for an interview, so that's a step in the right direction!), have my schedule for my first year of college, but I still have no idea where I'm going.

"If God calls you somewhere else then go!"

Was a facebook post that I read about 10 minutes ago. It got me thinking. For some reason I want to be a teacher. But there are many reasons I also don't want to be a teacher. Teaching my Kindergarteners in Vacation Bible School this week has shown me a little bit of both.


I asked a very good friend and role model of mine "How can I tell when God is calling me to do something? People have always told me that you have a passion for it, but I have a passion for a lot of things."
His answer was:

Typically here is what I advise in this situation in determining God's will in life or for a situation:

1 - You know it cannot be in contradiction to God's Word.  For example - God would not direct a person to cheat even if the result seems good or if it seemed there was a good reason to cheat.  God remains constant, does not change or break His nature.  Hebrews 13:8 and Romans 4:13-25

2 - Prayer

3 - Gods People (What do other Christians think?) Proverbs 15:2 teaches that wisdom comes with a multitude of counselors - in other words ask godly people with experience and see what they think...

4 - Psalm 37:4 says to delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  I believe that if you are in good fellowship with the Lord that your desire would line up with God's for you.  So lets say your desire is to be a teacher - Christian friends think you are gifted in that area and would do great, and you have prayed and really want to do it.  I would say that it is pretty much a "No Brainer" because it passes the 4 part litmus test.

If all else fails:

5 - Sometimes you just don't know or cannot tell.  In these cases I typically do what I think best with whatever information I have at the time - asking God to close doors if you are going the wrong direction is always a good idea.

I've also been constantly thinking about Haiti since we did some work with packaging food for orphanages in Haiti during out week at Caswell this past summer. I have a real passion for those orphans and for that devastated country, and every time I turn around something inconspicuous is reminding me about those kids. I have a feeling God may be leading me toward some mission work in Haiti, but I'm never quite sure about these things...

If someone happens to read this post, I hope that my mentor's words of wisdom will help them as they are helping me!

Shameful Failure

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might has well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default."~J.K. Rowling

"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the from way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it."~Rafiki

Everyone makes mistakes. But we must learn from those mistakes and, here's the hard part for me, move on.

For a week in June, right after my high school graduation, I went to a wonderful place called Fort Caswell. It's a Baptist Camp for youth out on the coast of North Carolina and is run by the most wonderful Be Do Tell staff ever. The theme was about ethics, "He's Got An App For That." For our week the speaker happened to be Jeremy Kingsley who was so energetic and funny to keep one's attention, but his messages also had real, deep, spiritual meaning which left my notebook full of scribbled points, quotes and scripture references.
What struck me most odd (yet awesome) about Jeremy was the length of his prayers:
"Dear Lord, help us to pay attention and learn something during the sermon today, Amen."

What really matters is the meaning and sincerity behind the words of a prayer, not the scholarly words and length of it!

Now back to what this post is supposed to be about:

One night that week, I think it might have been Wednesday, Jeremy's message was on the story of The Lost/Prodigal Son.

Luke 15:11-32 NIV

The Parable of the Lost Son

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I've heard this story so many times in my life, and it has helped me to tell struggling people that God will always accept you and welcome you back home with open arms, no matter what sinful things you have done (the Casting Crowns song, Prodigal, comes to mind here). But the way that Jeremy spoke about it was astonishingly beautiful. It was evident that he felt passionately about this passage. His message touched me so deeply that night.

Alas, there is always an end to a week at camp. You remember me telling you that the theme of the camp this summer was about ethics? (Ethics: A system of moral principles.) Yeah, I didn't when I got home that Saturday. I made one of the POOREST choices I have made in my entire life. One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made happened less than 5 hours after I returned from a Christian camp with the theme being ethics. I cried myself to sleep that night, I didn't know how on earth I was going to live with the shame and guilt of this sin. To make this horrible time even easier for me, I left that Sunday to go on a beach trip with my second church's youth group (sarcasm intended). I felt like scum. I didn't deserve to go on this trip. I didn't want to. I didn't want to be around these wonderful people, feeling so dirty myself. I couldn't pray because I didn't think God wanted to hear from me. I was broken.

Luckily enough, God plans everything just right, to show us what we need to be seen and to help us when we need to be helped. I had a very good friend of mine on this trip with me who nudged me in the right direction and whom I was able to vent and spill my guts to. I also had something even better, my Bible and my God right beside me. It took a while, but with the help of some Godly people who comforted me while not even knowing why I was crying and angry, I was able to recover. I thought back to the previous Wednesday, to Jeremy's Prodigal Son message. I finally understood the depth of this story and the extent of God's love like that of the father in His parable. I realized that God had never left me, never stopped loving me, never stopped waiting for me to come back to Him, even in the midst of my shameful failure.

"Dear Lord, thank you for this parable, for Jeremy Kingsley, for Caleb, for my Bible, and for your unconditional love for me, Amen."

(I owe some credit to BrainyQuote.com, BibleGateway.com, and Dictionary.com)